Thursday, January 24, 2013

First Comes Love...

So I mentioned in my last post of 2012 that Chris is preparing to "pop the question" this year.  Naturally, I'm excited, nervous, and just a teeny bit freaked out.  From the moment he and my sister asked what kind of rings I liked and all I could think was, "No diamonds and nothing too flashy", I've been overwhelmed by many aspects of what goes into a wedding, and downright infuriated by some of the prices and practices that go on with vendors.  I was never one to daydream about my future wedding growing up.  Truth be told, I only had vague notions of what I'd want for my wedding once Chris and I had been together for a while. 

I don't like diamonds for many reasons.  They're way artificially overpriced (diamonds weren't worth much until the whole engagement ring thing took off), they potentially fund awful conflicts in third-world countries, and I just think there are a lot of other precious stones that are much prettier.  So when I say I don't want diamonds in my engagement ring, I mean it.  I also think the "three-months salary" rule about what a man "should" spend on an engagement ring is outrageous!  I told Chris is he spent more than $500 (And that's the maximum) I would make him return it.  Chris has told me a few stories about his adventures in jewelers looking for rings, and those are some pushy, downright rude sales staff.  When he asked to look at sapphire rings, the salesman told him, "Okay, but those aren't real engagement rings."  And another salesman told him, "Oh, your girlfriend might say she doesn't want diamonds, but all women do."  No, asshole.  Don't question my intentions.  I don't play mind games with my partner or tell him I want one thing when I really want another.  That's why our relationship works, healthy communication.

Here's my personal take on weddings, and you're more than welcome to disagree with me.  I want my wedding to be a reasonably priced party with our families and friends to celebrate our commitment to each other.  That's it.  All the rest of the trappings associated with it are not that important to me.  Because there's very little "traditional" aspects of my family or life in general, I feel like a lot of the etiquette books and "traditions" just don't apply to me.  The most I can guarantee is that I'll have a cake and wear a white dress.  All other traditions are up in the air.  While my father is supposedly responsible for paying for the wedding, more than likely it will be Chris and I footing the bill with help from whoever can offer it.  Besides, that tradition just reeks of "dowry" to me.  If someone walks me down the aisle, it will be my mother, because if anyone deserves to "give me away" it's the woman who gave birth to me.  The thought of the "Father/Daughter, Mother/Son" Dance fills me with dread.  I don't want to spend thousands of dollars on a dress I'll wear once.  I have no desire to make my sister and friends pay for unflattering dresses they will never wear again.  And obviously we're not having a religious service, so Chris's friend Rudy will be our officiant.  
Starfleet Dress Uniforms

Oh, and did I mention Chris and his buddies are wearing Starfleet dress uniforms?  He has always wanted to wear one to his wedding since he was a kid, and damn it, why can't he have his dream wedding too?  So I've decided to theme our wedding around space and sci-fi.  We're planning on getting married in either an observatory or planetarium, naming our tables after our favorite starships, and plenty of other nerdy details.  Non-traditional, Casual, DIY wedding?  You bet.  Not only will it save us money but it will be much more memorable than the same old same old.  I want our wedding to be a reflection of who we are and not just a carbon copy of something out of a bridal magazine.   I want people to have fun and let their hair down a little.  A wedding reception is a party, after all.

I've learned one lesson very quickly when it comes to looking up prices for a wedding.  If the word "wedding" is anywhere in the description, it's overpriced.  I have literally looked at cakes, floral arrangements and other products and seen the word "wedding" tack on anywhere from $100 to $500 for nearly the same thing.  I swear, it feels like I'm waging war against some kind of Wedding-Industrial Complex.  There's definitely a rigged game when it comes to pulling off a wedding.  The max I want to spend on the whole thing is $5000.  And I'm going to do everything in my power to get that number even lower.  Because I'd rather put our money toward something practical like a down payment on a house.  If we're surrounded by the people we love and we have some music and something to drink I don't think you can go wrong.  That's what matters to me.  The rest is all an added bonus.  Lucky for me, the engagement is still to come and we're planning a long one so I can finish school before we tie the knot.  That gives me plenty of time to plan things out and save as much money as possible before we say, "I do."


  1. Though my marriage didn't last, at the time I was happy to select a rather inexpensive ring with trinity symbols raised on either side of the setting. I then had the ring set with a green moissenite. They're the hardest gem next to diamonds and they're one tenth the price most times. I wanted an emerald, but they're a soft stone and I wanted the ring to last. (irony that the marriage didn't) So green Moissenite it was!

    Our ceremony was suppose to be simple and stress free and even that turned into a mess because I just wanted something simple and no one would listen, so I just gave up and said, "Decorate however you want, I don't care anymore."

    I hope your wedding is lovely and that your marriage is as amazing as your relationship before the marriage sounds like it is now.

    Good luck!

    Also, I look forward to seeing you at the North Texas Secular Convention!

  2. You stole my wedding ideas! Lol, just kidding, it sounds awesome!